I’m not going to lie. I’m a Sufjan Stevens fan. I think his stuff is pretty great. And when I heard he was going on tour last year I was super excited. So, like any good fan, I bought tickets the second they became available. One for me, and one for my girlfriend at the time. Now my girlfriend wasn’t the biggest Sufjan fan, but she could appreciate his music and she was excited about going to the show.
Then the album Age of Adz came out. I bought it, loved it, and my girlfriend bought, and loved it. So I was like, “wait, you love it?” and she was like, “yes, it’s amazing!”. So I was like, cool, my girlfriend loves it.
So as the months passed and we waited for the show to come, she fell more and more in love with Sufjan. She played the album a lot when we were driving around and she praised it constantly (while reminding me she didn’t care for his other material) and continuously expressed more and more excitement for the upcoming concert. And that was great, except that I had recently lost feelings for her and I wanted to break up.
We all make mistakes.
So the show gets closer and closer and I feel like more and more of an asshole. Meanwhile, my best friend is practically begging me to take her to the show. And I’m like, “I already promised (let’s call her Sally, because why the fuck not) Sally that I would take her”. And my friend was like, “you’re a shitty friend, dump your girlfriend”.
So my girlfriend starts noticing that I’m getting distant and we haven’t even made out in like a week so she finally confronts me (she is one of those “strong female personality” type girls aka sometimes a bitch). I admit to her I’ve lost my feelings and she freaks out asking how that happens and I’m like, “I’m not a fucking scientist”, and she’s like, “we were in love”. Eventually, I blurt out, “we can still be friends”.
“remember when I dumped you? shit, i mean what do you want to do?”
Finally, it’s the night of the show. I never got around to telling my ex-girlfriend I didn’t want her to go and I have no choice but to take her. But I’m still pumped for Sufjan and my ex-girlfriend is pumped too. In fact, she talked about that asshole the whole way there.
Once inside, we sit down and talk like I didn’t just dump her the other week and like she doesn’t secretly hate me. She asks me if I think my ex-girlfriend is at the show too because she’s a bitch and steals my ideas. I respond yes, but I’m talking about her.
Then the show starts, first the opening act, and then SUFJAN STEVENS. Everyone is super excited, including me, and girls are practically pissing their pants in anticipation of seeing Sufjan in all of his glory. The asian girls in front of me take out a camera and start taking pictures, and I make a tourist joke. It’s an exciting night.
Then, the first song starts, and my ex-girlfriend starts to cry, which is really not flattering because she’s not an attractive cryer and sort of embarrassing so I leaned in the other direction so people thought I was alone.
How did he get his voice like that?
At last, the night was over and we walk out of the theatre while passing my other ex-girlfriend who was at the show because she’s a bitch and steals my ideas. The drive home is mostly silent except that she thanks me before getting out of the car. For a minute I thought we might make out, but we didn’t.
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